perfect love or turbulent love in writing….

Today is my tenth wedding anniversary and it made me think about love, because that is what has kept me with my husband ten years.


Now the love in the books… Some writers idealize it drawing the perfect love where the two halves of the couple are perfect, like the same things, not argue about anything. Others describe it much more turbulent, a couple with differences, but wanting to be together, despite the arguments or difficulties.


For me, the truer love is the turbulent. Love is not always to be happy is also to cry, fight (I am not saying to harm each other but to have a discussion), reconcile, to be different to have of what to talk, etc… By this I don´t mean the difference of being a human and a vampire. I am talking about the taste, defects and virtues.


Sometimes I think that YA novels until recently idealized love too much making young people that then reached an adult relationship think that if it was not perfect, without tears and discussions, it wasn´t love or wasn´t worthwhile.


So I ask, when reading a novel that includes a love story do you like the perfect love story or the turbulent? Do you believe that the way a novel speaks of love can influence the way young people see love?

All this reminds me the speech Barbara Streisand gives to her class in The Mirror Has Two Faces…


Now I go to celebrate and try to write a little.
Have a great day! (I am very happy)

——————————————————

 

Hoy es mi décimo aniversario de bodas y eso me hizo pensar en el amor , si porque eso me ha mantenido junto a mi esposo diez años.

Ahora el amor en los libros. Unos escritores lo idealizan dibujándolo como el amor perfecto donde las dos mitades de la pareja son perfectas , les gustan las mismas cosas, no discuten por nada. Otros lo describen mucho más tormentoso, una pareja con diferencias pero queriendo estar juntos, a pesar de las discusiones o las dificultades.

Para mí el más real es el tormentoso. El amor no siempre es estar feliz, también es llorar, pelear, reconciliarse, ser diferente para tener de que hablar, etc. Con esto no me refiero a la diferencia de ser un humano y un vampiro. Si no a los gustos, defecto y virtudes.

A veces pienso que en las novelas de YA hasta hace muy poco se idealizó demasiado al amor haciendo así que los jóvenes que luego llegaran a una relación adulta pensaran que o era perfecto, sin lágrimas y sin ninguna discusión o entonces o no era amor o no valía la pena.

Por lo que les pregunto cuando leen una novela que incluye una historia de amor, les gusta la historia de amor perfecta o la tormentosa? Creen que la forma en que las novelas relatan el amor puede influenciar en la forma en que se ha visto el amor hasta ahora?

Todo esto me recuerda la charla que da Barbara Streisand a su clase en el amor tiene dos caras…

Ahora si me voy a celebrar y a intentar escribir un poco

Que tengan un fabuloso día! ( yo estoy muy feliz)

 

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24 comments on “perfect love or turbulent love in writing….

  1. I prefer stories that have characters have disagreements and work through them. The perfect love story is great sometimes, but…it makes people desire something that is not real. Kinda like how magazines photoshop women’s bodies, making women think ALL females past the age of 13 can have flawless skin and wear a size zero. IT is an illusion.

  2. I think love, for the most part, is idealized. This sets up an unrealistic expectation. Young love rarely survives adulthood. The girl doesn’t always meet the man of her dreams. The boy doesn’t always get the girl in the end. Those are the things we WANT, but seldom actually get.
    There are some love stories that work out just right, that live up to a storybook expectation, though. Some of us read to see a slice of real life; some read to fantasize. Like all media, however, I don’t believe it influences kids one way or another. They’re drawn to certain scenarios and tastes because of who they are. They’re reflections, not imitations.

    • I think that since love is something you can´t see you learn what it is by seeing it in tv, in books, in your family, etc. But what I was talking recently to a friend is that often parents never argue in front of the kids, which I think is correct they don´t need that stress but we continue sometimes doing that when they are grown ups and we make them believe that our relationships never have big differences or that sometimes we are not happy. So maybe we can´t blame only books but also parents.
      But I also think that are not all the cases, out there are very realistic young people.

  3. Wow! Ten years is something worth celebrating! Congratulations!!!
    I completely agree with you – YA novels often portray love as perfect. I think it definitely can have a bad effect on what a young girl believes “love” really is. 🙂
    I’m glad you are happy! Here’s to 10 more wonderful years!

  4. First, happy anniversary!! 🙂
    Second, I prefer the realistic look at love, which, as you say, is all about learning to accept another person, including their faults. In fact, the more shallow ‘puppy love’, if you will, is pretty unsatisfying, even in books!

  5. I’m glad you brought this up, since I think about it a lot, haha. One of my biggest pet peeves is the way young adult novels portray romantic relationships and love. In the novels I’ve read, it’s been, “I’ve only known you for a short while, and you spent more than a few days trying to kill me, but you’re so devastatingly beautiful that we will love each other forever and ever EPIC TRUE LOVE.” And…that’s not the way of reality.
    Relationships take work. It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, people are different, and even if they never fight, they have to work at compromising in a relationship. It’s not always about two halves becoming whole together. I believe a person should be whole on their own before they can really be in a relationship with another person. We can’t depend on other people to make us happy. That’s too much pressure on them, and we will most likely be disappointed some day. I think that’s why most relationships don’t last.
    So congratulations on your tenth anniversary! I think turbulent love stories that reflect reality are the best, and I actually do think young minds are influenced by what they read. Teens can claim they know it isn’t real, but when they see glorified, unrealistic romances, I think it does give them unattainable expectations. Those teens looking for the Twilight love affair, when in reality, they won’t find that. They’ll find someone they love enough that they want to make the relationship work. And as much as authors should provide a world of escape for readers, they should also present it realistically for the sake of these impressionable minds. Love isn’t perfect, people aren’t perfect, and relationships aren’t perfect.
    Have you read any YA books that accurately reflect realistic relationships? I’m curious, since the ones I’ve read have been hardly more than drivel in that respect.

    • I for some time believed in that first sight epic true love, but the more I think the more i know that it doesn´t start as love it starts as lust, as a person that makes you happy and the true love is when you love the other as he is with failures and virtues.
      You are right that first a person should be a whole before the relationship and we must not depend in others to make us happy.
      Oh twilight affair is the new epic romance but for me the clasic Pride and prejudice was more real, they were not perfect but they loved each other.
      I haven´t read any YA book that reflects this kind of love, but i am sure there must be one. If I find one I´ll tell you.

      • Exactly. Those feelings that most YA books present, and what I believe most teens feel at first, is that endorphin rush of happy fuzzy feelings and attraction. Real love extends beyond that. It’s more than just physical attraction. You love the person’s personality, their true selves, and even if something about them annoys you, you accept them. That’s what love that lasts is all about.
        I just see in books this, “You complete me” me stuff, and I can’t stand it. That’s why most relationships don’t last anymore. We depend too much on other people to provide what we need to do ourselves. It’s okay to want to be with someone, to like the way you feel around them, but you need to have your own life outside of that person. You can’t always be dependent upon them for fulfillment. It’s ridiculous.
        Pride and Prejudice was always one of my favorite novels, and even though the love story is not perfect, it was genuine. Sure, Elizabeth was probably influenced after seeing Darcy’s estate and what she gave up by refusing his offer of marriage, but she eventually saw that he was not solely the prideful man she originally thought, and he was kind and generous. So I could believe that she fell in love with him by the end. And that’s the kind of story I miss about today’s novels. There is hardly any sincerity in relationships.
        Haha, mine will be one of the first when I get published! LOL. XD

      • Yes in pride and prejudice they along the story knew each other and fell in love , that i Believe although I also believe that first attraction is important too without that you can never fall in love.
        And you are true there is no one out there that can complete you only yourself, and your couple is only someone very special that you want to take your hand in this journey of live.
        Oh now I am anxious to read yours!!! 🙂

  6. I actually like something in the middle–quirky, awkward, with genuine closeness and strong attraction.
    Although as a writer, I have to say I made the central relationship in The Secret Year a turbulent one.

    • something in the middle is great too. There must be couples that are perfect maybe only one or two but I am sure exist and other that are more complicated. But a relationship in the middle sound for me more ideal than the perfect one. Thank you for opening me to the gray side, not only the black or white!!!
      The advantage of being a writer is that you can write a couple as you want them even if that is not what you want for yourself.

  7. ¡Feliz aniversario! 😀
    True love isn’t perfect, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be turbulent, either. True, healthy love is real and that’s it. Real people aren’t perfect, they make mistakes, and whether they love each other or not, these mistakes will create friction. But people truly in love try to fix their problems, discuss and argue and sometimes will be miserable in order to be happy.
    This is what books that strive for realism should portray; it’s the truth. 🙂
    And yes, Disney screwed up people’s (especially girls) thought on what love really is like.

    • Gracias!!!
      Yes that´s why while writing my post I was remembering the speech of barbara streisand in the mirror has two faces. She talks about how Disney did that to girls.
      Yes books should show the truth, not only the ideal but the real.

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